so yeah. ive got some feelings on this. and eventhough all this great stuff is happening. i think i might take some time to bitch, because my stomach ist feeling right, and neither am i.

"You weren't who I thought you were. Just another stupid guy. An asshole. Seemed different, but in the end, you're just like any other guy. A jerk and a hypocrite. Thanks for nothing. "

"Don't try to say you understand, because I'm sure you don't. Just for fun, I dug this out for you.
What I'm getting at here with all this? It's a big fuck you. Because I don't care anymore."

of course what you dug up was me talking about how guys are great at screwing things up. even though its words. it still stings. because i believe your bring honest. atleast your honest. cant ask for more really. and dont try to say i understand? guess what. yeah its true. ive never had anything quite like this before happen. but you can bet ive been the one whos not been chosen before. yeah. i was bitter about it. haha. really bitter, in fact that how i became better friends with the other guy who liked her. except that she said she felt somthing for me (or felt somthing but didnt know what it really was, to tell you the truth, i cant realy remember). and then out of nowhere got with another guy. blew me off. man i was pissed. but her and i are still friends. i mean. im talking to her now. lol. anyway. im feeling better. and i lost my train of thought. ill contiue later.

yeah. i know i havent posted in a while. sorry. so heres an entry talking about how i didnt post. hahaa...yep. im done.

this is breaking me. im messing up everying without even trying. in every choice somthing bad happens. when help me is a plea with no answer.

dont try to run from fate. all you acomplished is that now instead of a lecture, you get an ass kicking. and fate will always catch you. in this case. all i can do is wait. for fate to punch me in the face. cant run now. and the stupid boy is forced to take it like a man. its whats expected.

im such a fool..

"if i said i didnt like it then you know i lied"

"I don't want to miss out on life because I'm afraid of what might happen. It doesn't need to be "perfect". As long as it's with you..."

"Vaugeness is intentional here, and I refuse to elaborate."

two very good quotes. from megs and kayte.

"Sometimes youve got to fold before you're found out."
"You color the coast with your smile. Its the most genuine thing I've ever seen. I was so lost and now I believe."

and those are from dashboard confessional. and so is the title of this post but i skewed it around to make it first person.

shit. i dont know what im doing. i think too much for my own good.

"i'll be true, i'll be useful...
i'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
and i'll belong to you...
if you'll just let me through."

dashboard again.

i findmyself longing for things to stop being how they are. i wish SOMTHING would happen. im in this inbetween stage where things are confusing and contradictory. and i cant get rid of this headache. fuck.

in the end. guys will always be stupid wont they. want what they cant have. but the crux comes when, at the moment you finally get what you thought would never come...do you take it for granted? do you choose to not believe it and look for somthing else unattainable? no. not this time. haha. i refuse to be a stupid guy. now that statement, was like jumping out of a plane wthout a paraschute. yeah. your giving death the finger. right untill the end when it all comes crashing down..and you realise that your still...just a stupid guy. taking love for granted.

hoo boy. im ged up with my mood. im being stupid. i dont even know what im feeling like this but all i want to do is sit here and listen to slow songs. haha....GOD DAMMIT! things arent bad. i should be happy. i should be appreciative. shit. oh man good lyric. "you're my daily dose of reality." haha. dude. i love creed....anyway! i wonder if its my isolation from people getting to me...i dunno.. i like it out here. its quiet. its pretty. ....but what i wouldnt give for some people every once and a while. so yes. hopefully coffee tomarrow. yay. im done.

yes. a nice christmas.cool gifts include. some nice new shirts. fingerless gloves. a MAN bracelet (haha). DDR Max 2. some cool games. manga. goodies. yay its all fun. but if this christmas is anything. its a happy one, but a lonely one. everyones gone. only talking to cassie. and were not really as close of friends as we were before so conversation has its limits. *sigh* and its the smallest christmas present that i find myself without. so ill listen to the slow songs. and dream about it....so heres to old friends and new friends. heres to good times. heres to the moments you remember. heres to wishes and dreams. merry christmas everybody.

haha yeah. meant to post that one earlier. oh and yeah. i started the purple insanity thing. WHEE!! goodnight.