yeah i made another background. and i guess i should post them both because i never posted the first one. "original" is tributed to kat. haha and i have yet to tribute "anger". and once again. click the thumbs to see the actuall pics in huge (1024x768) size. w00t for photoshop.

yeah. just titting and reading while time goes by. waiting for kayte's parents to get home. music is good. a slow day. and this is a good song.

Fuel - Sunburn

The sky was dark this morning
Not a bird in the trees
And silence hung suspicious and anxious
Like a blanket covered scream

And you were gone
You were not there for me
And I cursed the sky and begged the sun to
Fall all over me
This life's not living, baby
Living ain't free
If I can't find my way back to me
Let the sun fall down over me
Let the sun fall down

All my friends are searching
Quiet, desperately
Look into their eyes you'll see the faithless crying
Save me, save me, save me

And what are they to feel
And who are they to be
And what am I to do with, do with me, but let the sun
Fall all over me
This life's not living, baby
Living ain't free
If I can't find my way back to me
Let the sun fall down over me
Let the sun fall down

Until my eyes cry out
'Til my head is free from doubt
'Til my lungs sigh right out
'Til I'm wiser

Let the sun
Fall all over me
This life's not living, baby
Living ain't free
If I can't find my way back to me
Let the sun fall down over me
Let the sun fall down

so im eating breakfast and im hearing these lyrics and i realised they were perfect.


Dashboard Confessional - As Lovers Go

she said "i've gotta be honest,
you're wasting your time if you're fishing round here."
and i said "you must be mistaken,
cause i'm not fooling...this feeling is real"
she said...she said "you gotta be crazy,
what do you take me for...some kind of easy mark?"
you've got wits...you've got looks,
you've got passion but i swear that you've got me all wrong.

all wrong.
all wrong.
but you got me...

i'll be true, i'll be useful...
i'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
and i'll belong to you...
if you'll just let me through.
this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is telling me 'whats the sense in waiting?'

and i said "i've gotta be honest
i've been waiting for you all my life."
for so long i thought i was a silent bound,
but just seeing you makes me think twice.
and being with you here makes me sane,
i fear i'll go crazy if you leave my side.
you've got wits...you've got looks,
you've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?

tonight.
tonight.
but you've got me...

i'll be true, i'll be useful...
i'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
and i'll belong to you...
if you'll just let me through.
this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is telling me 'whats the sense in waiting?'
this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is telling me 'whats the sense in waiting?'

...perfect....

well, i havent posted. and im bored. last night was the sno glo. most funest bestest time. i boulght like 6 glowsticks. haha. sexy. and me an kat were dancin and it was great. and i saw the guys there. and they were goin crazy. and we glowsticked to the techno. and sandstorm was played. much happiness. hehehe hoo hoo. and fun pictures. and fun drawing on the steamy walls. haha, we hit mickey Ds before the dance. and we both accidentaly had dinner already. and it was the same thing. haha WIERD! you dont get too many times where you can just kick back and have a hell of a lot of fun and just forget all the stuff that was bringing you down or confusing the shit out of you. and just laugh. and dance. to techno. and not care that you have no idea how to dance anyway. HAHA. and wake up feeling good the next morning. ahh and today i wanted to see LOTR with kayte but her parents thought it was too late and would let her go. GAR. tomarrow im hoping. i had a cup of kats coffe that she gave me. AWESOMENESS. and my dad helped me cause i needed to learn how to use the grinder. and then he made it weak on purpose! GAR! oh wells. ill have a strong cup in the morning tomarow. and yes. im done with this entry.

haha. gah. today was the best. presents, thoughtfull presents. and i havent gone shopping yet...but AHH. anyway. got home today and crashed for an hour and a half. these late nights are killing me but i do it anyway. then swim team pizza. then choir and orchestra concert. which was the awesome. then i took a nice walk out in freezing cold for about 20 minutes. walked behind the campus out into the middle of the field and looked at stars. cause it was cool. then went home...and found the two best e-mails ive ever gotten. THANK YOU!! ahh those made me feel better. then absent mindedly made coffee at 9:30 at night. lol it got taken away...sad...anyway! then got back online. talked to kayte. and i was feeling like shit haha. and then GLOWSTICKS! and much giggling. and the more giggling. then hysterical laughing. ad my face hurted from smiling. ill tell you what. thats a good feeling. haha. glowsticks are sexy. ah a good note to end on eventhough im dreading tomarrow...geh....goodnight folks.

haha. kayte...your a genious. you were right. it was time to turn things arround. to think about the good things. because there are actually some. and i hope you know that whatever you end up deciding, if it makes you happy. then it makes me happy. and if making other people happy makes you happy, maybe you should know...that when i see you smiling, i cant keep from smiling back. =) goodnight.

so friends. is this what they talk about? all i can do is listen to dashboard and stare into the bottom of this empty coffee cup.

"I'll wait until tomorrow
maybe you'll feel better then
maybe we'll be better then
so what's another day
when I can't bear these nights of thoughts of going on without you"

haha look at me, i feel like such a sad case.

"And don't ever leave here
and mope at your leisure
and straighten out your crease here
and truth is in a tall beer.

And time has been spread so thin
and its just hours till the day begins. "


im so tired. pull me out of this.

...theres really only one thing i want for christmas...

time to get ready for bed....ill be back....

"Ah...the dramas of the teenage life. How I miss those days. You feel like everything going on right now is so important, every boy, every word, every kiss. Yet 5 years from now, you'll barely remember why you even felt that way about that guy, and wonder "what the hell was I thinking". It happens. Its called Life. Welcome to the roller coaster. Buckle up, put your traytables in thier upright posistion, cause it never stops. Life keeps ticking on by, and you never get a chance to breathe. Cherish what you have now, cuz it'll be gone tomorrow." ~Akren


too true, i can just see myself in 5 years. head into some bar and order: "whiskey, neit." and remember. i hope i can hold onto this. these feelings. because right now they sure seem damn important. and i can see myself resting my head on my hand and wondering "what the hell was i thinking?" because life is going by too fast for my liking. it seems like i cant hold on. it seems like all i can do is sit back and watch it all
just
slip
through
my
fingers...
knock back the last of my drink and tip the bartender. drive home to my appartment. lay awake in bed and listen to the old songs play through my head. and let them bring it all back. all the feelings id thought id lost. and remember in the quiet darkness...how i miss those days...

heres some quotes from max payne that i like:

"The genious of the hole: No matter how long you spend climbing out, you can still fall back down in an instant."

"Death is inevitable. Our fear of it makes us play safe, blocks out emotion. Its a loosing game, without passion you are already dead."


"The illusion comes afterwards, when you ask "Why me?" and "What if?" When you look back, see the branches, like a pruned bonsai tree, or a forked lightning. If you had done somthing differently, it wouldn't be you, it would be someone else looking back, asking a different set of questions."

and the song that im listening to:

Fuel - Shimmer

She calls me from the cold
Just when I was low, feeling short of stable
And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside isn't on the label
She says she's ashamed
Can she take me for awhile
Can I be a friend, we'll forget the past
Or maybe I'm not able
And I break at the bend

We're here and now, will ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again

She dreams a champagne dream
Strawberry suprise, pink linen on white paper
Lavender and cream
Fields of butterflies, reality escapes her
She says that love is for fools that fall behind,
And I'm somewhere between
Never really know
A killer from a savior
'Til I break at the bend

We're here and now, will ever be again
'Cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again

It's to far away for me to hold
To far away....
It's to far away for me to hold
To far away....

It's to far away for me to hold
To far away....
It's to far away for me to hold
To far away....
It's to far away for me to hold
To far away....

It's to far away for me to hold
To far away....

Guess I'll let it go....

applicable except for the last line...

and quotes from megan:

"And they expect so much from everything. We, as human, have become so spoiled over the years. We want everything on comand[...]"

ac repair love: u just sound so... down
Aveman20: hah, yeah im feeling pretty down
ac repair love: geh
Aveman20: because im at a loss
Aveman20: of what the hell to do
Aveman20: with everything
ac repair love: so then don't do anythign
Aveman20: if you chose to do nothing its still a choice
ac repair love: everythign that is supposed to happen, will happen, no matter what you do. so don't worry about it. sit back. and let it happen
Aveman20: easier said megs
ac repair love: duh. i knwo this
Aveman20: so freaking easier said
ac repair love: but i've been on both ends, and trust me, this way is eaier then u think
ac repair love: it's easier then stressing urself out
ac repair love: and feelin so down
ac repair love: cause all of that is total crap
Aveman20: and i know this
Aveman20: but here i am

yeah...here i am being a moron and a hyppocrite.

and kayte says:

"er... well... We are what we pretend to be... heh... you can take that as you will"



fuck....

what can you say when someone gives you one of those compliments that sort of...knocks you off your feet? the best i could come up with was "ah....thanks". haha, and now i feel dumb because..i dunno..that just sounds dumb. but thank you. really. for everything. its nice to fall asleep in a good mood. goodnight.