my mind was blank, not to many tangible thoughts. and after writing one poem, i feel completely different. its hard to describe.i wonder what tomarrow will be like. gah. well going. seeya.

yeah, heres another pic that i did. originally for an english project, but i still like it. it was originally named Sunset_With_Fractals, but i realised that read and orange are a bit more sunrisey. anyway, you can click on it to see a slightly larger one, but since the pic hosting is stoopid its too big to display full size..but anyways. enjoy.

ah yes, an interesting morning. the sunrise just turned out to be a transition from blackness to white fog. blah. sucks. and i ddnt get coffee this morining, but mr pibb will do. yea..posting from 3 rd period. waiting for my stuff to render. ah tome for lunch. yay!

i havent really made a real entry for today, so i guess i will now....

i woke up to the sound of pouring rain......actually i did this moring. and my whole family turned off their alarms and went back to sleep, so we had to rush after m dad woke us up 15 mins before we had to go. heh, fun stuff. then school, which was alright. then chess club, i played two games, lost them both, then went to chris's place. hung around, played crazy taxi on dreamcast, fun game. then ran back to ferris , went home. swim team. came back. english homework. i wanted to talk to people soo bad. but i was doing my homework and listening to aqua teen hunger force. haha its been soo long. the jokes were making me laugh really hard which was good. and then megan, made me realise somthing that i knew all along. and today dosnt seem like its been a good day for anyone. Kayte is feeling bad, megan is torn up. i didnt realise just how much till i read their blogs. bad. and kayte, i want to make her feel better so bad, but...i just cant seem to. and megan...and caitlin. all these people with their problems. all i can do is be there, and hope that it helps....i managed to scrounge myself a ghetto cup of coffee. used hot water from the bathroom sink and the instant stuff that we have. its alright. and im so damn frustrated. but i guess cant always help everyone that i want to, and i guess some things you need to work out for yourself. i learned that putting on a mask is just as bad as lying. not only to yourself, but to the people you care about, and thats what makes it the worst. i feel like i havent been acting like myself lately, and i want to go back. I dont want to try and be somthing im not. i like who i am. time to start acting how i feel, not how i feel after i think about it. im reminded of the famous "think with your heart, not with your head" i duno who said it, but they were onto somthing. easier said though. easier said then done. i want to have some fun. i want to feel happy, i want these people to feel happy again. blah. im ranting again, but i guess it cant be helped. im planning on getting up early so i can sit and watch the sun rise with a cup of coffee. because sunrises make me feel better. heh, i think ill hug some people tomarrow. because hugs are kickass. haha. dewd. i feel tiredish. coffee needs to kick in. ill need an excuse for my drawing that was de today that i should have tomarrow that i wont cause i havent started. gah. itl be easy though. i just have to do it. and im becoming more out of it...so i think ill post this, and i might come back if i have some more thoughts on things. laters.

bleh. i feel wierd lately. and i know these dashboard songs soo well because i only have 15 and i just listen to them over and over because theyre great. and now when i hear good parts i just want to like sing em real loud but i know my family would think im all wierd n stuff. hehe. hell ill probably just end up doing it anyway. and so it would seem that blah and bleh are my new fave catch phrases. yeah. i got aqua teen hunger force back today. its been a while. the jokes still make me bust a gut. HAHAH HOLY CRAP! THAT FUNNY!...ahem..anyway. i cant think of much more. doing crappy homework. blah.

"yea.  hehe.  hmm...  so conflicting thoughts...  yea, still there, but it's all... yea, it's ok now. yea.  heh...  whee.  yessum.  but who knows, may change.  hope not.  well... yea.  or no.  i mean... never mind, i don't know.  hah.  yea.  err... still weird.  in my head.  oh, screw it, this makes no sense.  lyrics.  crazy.  hah.  yea, i think i'm done now, because this really makes no sense.  mostly.  or not.  but yea.  done." ~Kayte

one of the best quotes ever. haha. so yeah. i should probably do my homework now.....blah.

lets see...so i woke up today. and ive been editing me last entry all day. and ive had about 6 or 7 cups of coffee today. and yet im relaxed. got to finish english homework afore ten oclock blargh. potatoes for dinner. still expieriencing a sort of afterglow from last night. heh, swimming in memories of good times. thinking of sunsets and sunrises. moments. heh. remembering how megs was talking about, how a good one would be to share a sunset with someone, then get into suck a good conversation that you forget about everything else and only come back down to earth when you realise that the sun is rising again. totally awesome. yes i notice that i say awesome, and anyway, and dewd a lot. but its all in good fun. the new people that i hang out with are all awesome because they can just sit around for 6 and a half hours and be having fun the whole time. one night. ill just walk to the south hill. and have fun. and walk home. and it will be awesome. and when you close your eyes and you see someone, some people might think your crazy. but its all good. and somehow things tend to work out for the better down the road. a year ago i would have said bullshit to that. but now, things are awesome. and ive never been quite so up. barely breathing by Duncan Sheik is a kickass song. so is save tonight by eagle eye cherry. and this is sooo random of an entry. make sure to watch out for E-Stabbers in the future when you can stab people thru the internet....i have been disallowed from growing a scragly beard for my artist image. haha. i seem to be slipping in and out of "life is a movie" mode. listeing to Iris by the goo goo dolls. and chattin with megs and kayte. and i dont seem to have many more thoughs so ipp post this one. wheeee!

yeah dude. tonight kicked so much ass. rocked my socks off. well one of them atleast. haha. but yeah. hung out at megans for a good long time. listening to music. yeah i got up at 3 today. took a shower, breakfast which was a slice of pumkin pie, 2 eggos and a cup of coffee. then did a quick shave job. lol. the it was time ta go over. from about 5:30 to 12:00 i was there. twas me and kayte, megs, kat, alexis, russel, liz. i hopes i ididnt foret anyone. prolly not tho. anyway. yeah hanging out. talking. tickling. turned into this like big cuddle fest. everyone laying on eachother...actually it was more like kayte and i laying on eachother and then everyone else piling on top. haha.. and then kat was laying on me and it was sort of akward becaues i dont think she knows kayte and i are going out....yea...so i hope kaytes not like wierded out or anything. i just thought it was a friend type thing cause everyone was laying on everyone else anyway. ANYWAYS. thats the most fun ive had in a long long time. ending with a sweet little goodnight kiss. and then megan schooled me in arm wrestling. haha. and so. ill end this entry with lyrics. cause this song was playing while i was writing this and its the prefect song for right now. lol. goodnight.

Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down

Breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep
This air is blessed, you share with me
This night is wild, so calm and dull
These hearts they race from self-control
Your legs are smooth as they graze mine
We're doing fine, we're doing nothing at all.
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me, so I die happy
My heart is yours to fill or burst
to break or bury, or wear as jewelery
Whichever you prefer
The words are hushed lets not get busted,
just lay entwined here undiscovered.
Safe in here from all the stupid questions..
"Hey did you get some?"
"Man, that is so dumb."
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close
they can't hear, so we can get some.
My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me
So won't you kill me, so I die happy
My heart is yours to fill or burst
to break or bury, or wear as jewelery
Which ever you prefer
Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo
The dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair
That you twirled in your fingers
And the time on the clock when we realized it was so late
And this walk that we shared together
The streets were wet and the gate was locked
So I jumped it and let you in
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
And you kissed me like you meant it
And I knew, that you meant it
That you meant it, that you meant it
And I knew that you meant it, that you meant it

so yeah, here i am sitting here on my room computer. got home around 2:30. talked with nate in my sun room/porch thing till bout 4:30. yeah long time to talk. stuff like video games. some life stuff. catch up on RPGs. a nice good long chat. but man my feet were getting cold at the end. lol. anyways. i moved the computer by the place where it should be. didnt hook it up though. and so i sit here. read megs blog. seriously i need a new name for that thing cause blog sounds rough. and id say window into her soul, but.....ah hell we'll leave it at that.

"I have to tell you, or else you will never know. And I know you still won't, just by reading this. You will never in a million years, believe that it is you, but it is. I love you. I think I know. But I do... I did... I will. You should have never said it, because you made me believe it. And now I can't let it go" ~Megan

after i read that, I said "god" while sighing. but only cause i lacked an appropriate explative. what i was thinking was more along the lines of a stronger form of woah. hence the title. because that just blew me away. all i can do in reaction is sit here dumb while my thoughts just rattle away. if anyone ever feels that way about me. i can honestly say that i would feel like the happiest and luckiest man alive. i hope that love, is somthing that i never find myself taking for granted.


so its around 5:15 now. i was hoping to see the sunrise today, but i think its still a while off and my body is shutting down. tomarrow....today, should be good. hanging out with the cool peoples. spending time with kayte. YAY. and i believe thats the last coherent thought i can muster. my mind and body are pretty much spent. lol. goodnight and good morning.

some nice downtime at the lan. taking the opportunity to download music on dsl. heh. yeah i moved to the cooler room with the open window and the couch and the light on. and my headache went away so im happy. strangely relaxing in here. fun stuff. cant wait for tomarrow. but i have to do my homework before i go hangout which sucks cause its really hard english crap which i havent read the book for. hehe. yeah im smurt. but ill get it done. so yea....i guess im done for now. lol