these tears
i can feel
in my chest

wishing for a way out

maybe they'll freeze on my face
so i could feel them
as more than this ache

maybe they'll fall in my coffee cup
so i could drink them away
and loose this ache

only one tear
it stays in the corner of my eye
small enough to stick
untill i wipe it away

i can see myself
reflected in the black liquid
inside a black cup

looking into my own eyes in painfull
look at my eyes
what do you see
what could you ever see
in me

i realised that this song has absolutely lovely lyrics. i also realised that i want to sleep. for the first time in a long time, i just want to sleep. tomarrow ill see her for the first time in 4 days. so no matter what happens tomarrow. that will make everything worth it. and a nice long hug. and a magick twig. tomrrow will be good. i know it.

Creed - Lullaby

Hush my love now don’t you cry
Everything will be all right
Close your eyes and drift in dream
Rest in peaceful sleep

If there’s one thing I hope
I showed you
Hope I showed you

Just give love to all

Oh my love…in my arms tight
Every day you give me life
As I drift off to your world
Will rest in peaceful sleep

I know there’s one thing that
you showed me
That you showed me

Just give love to all
Let’s give love to all

yes another good song. im so freaking tired. and my head hurts more now. and my parents are yelling at me for drinking coffee. and i still have a lot more homework left. and im not doing it. haha. i laugh at me. well... i dont know what else to write. and my computer just crapped itself. so heh. be right back.
ok so it wasnt right back, but oh well. kaiti called. sounds like she had a good time. camp spalding is a cool place i went there in 6th grade. good times. beautiful place. so ive come to the conclusion that not all my homework is getting done tonight. theres no way i can work with this splitting headache. and i want to. really. but i cant. it really freakin hurts. but anyway. enough complainining. found out about stuff about going to japan. like you cant take sudafed or vicks inhalers because there considered stimulants. and no more then 2 oz of perfume. also no more than 400 cigarettes or 100 cigars. haha. yes. looks like ill have to be cutting back from my 450 a day. lol. but no. i dont smoke and i dont use perfume so its all good. haha. yes. i saw megans away message and it was like "im in my room. call me." it was perfect. so i did. lol. and it was fun. as always. made my head feel better for a while. but then my mom has to come in and be like "get off the phone and take out the trash and do your homework" and so my head was like "ow" and i was like "gar stop hurting" haha. ok that was fun. i should do my vocab now. rar. seeya.

heres a poem i had to write for english. R@r.

Avery N.

I AM a boy who thinks too much.
I WONDER about the future.
I HEAR songs and phrases that bring back memmories and strike up feelings.
I SEE a sea of possibilty.
I WANT to learn how to fly.
I AM a boy who thinks too much.
I PRETEND to know what im doing.
I BELIEVE in other people more easily then in myself.
I TOUCH dreams and hope to grab onto them.
I FEEL for the first time.
I WORRY too much.
I CRY in moderation.
I AM a boy who thinks too much.
I UNDERSTAND only a handfull of my own thoughts.

gar. stupid homework. and theres more things id rather be doing. and i sort of have a headache. but its alright. no use complaining really. going back is going to be a nice challenge. ive grown a bit too used to hanging out and late nights. *sigh* oh well. a nap sounds good. but i wouldnt wake up till timarrow. and i wouldnt have my homework done. gar. but hey. i found that song where that lyric is from. man i love this song. so i think ill listen to this cd and try to get back to work. gar. lol

Dashboard Confessional - Hey Girl

Hey girl, you've got a smart way about you
That makes me
Wish that I was smart enough for you

Hey girl, you've got a fine laugh
And I think that I
Could get used to that
But you're already used to laughing at
Me

So what if your friends think I'm crazy?
Well, I wasn't trying to impress those girls anyway
They're all theory, no action
And where I'm from
We live like it's the latest attraction

Hey girl, you've got a short fuse
And I've got designs on lighting you up
And setting you off
And watching you burn for me

The world lives for the weekend
Well, I'll watch as my weeks bleed righ into them
Without a line
To divide
What is their's
And what is
Mine

So what if your friends think I'm crazy?
Well, I wasn't trying to impress those girls anyway
They're all theory, no action
And where I'm from
We live like it's the latest attraction

Go on, go on
Your cruel intentions won't
Solve your problems
Everyone's gotta get
Bottom
Bottomed out in the long run
And those are the times you need love (x3)

so yeah, yesterday i was feeling sort of wierd. and i figured out that it was because i was fighting with myself over my own feelings. i wanted them to come gradually and make things easier for us. like walking down a hill slowly. but in all reality, i feel off a cliff. and theres no denying it anymore. and dont be sorry. i understand. so after everything last night i felt better and not wierd anymore. after she knew how i felt. so yeah. the best thing about tomarrow will be seeing you. most definitely.

love

i would guess that the most frequently asked question is 'how do you know?'
i would also guess that the most frequently heard answer is 'you just know'

but akren definitely had the best answer.

"it comes strong, it leaves quick, it stays forever, it breezes by. love is a many splendered thing, as fickel as the ones who hold it true in thier hearts. you can only listen to your heart, for only it knows for sure"

ha. the wise old sage strikes again.

but some questions that ive been asking myself.

why do people throw it around like its nothing. the word love. of course its just a word. but the meaning is lost when you use it and dont mean it

why are people scared of love? even the word drives people away. makes them uneasy.

how long? how long a lot of things. how long untill people arent scared of love and you can tell them how you feel. how long before you can trust your own heart. ive had my head trick me before. of course. getting the other person to really believe that you love them might be the hardest part. because others have tricked them before...

so im going to save this. and post it later. after i call megs and talk to her about it. because i want to talk to her about anything and everything. and i hope she knows that shes my everything. "ive fallen for you. dont stop me now. i want to keep falling."

yeah. like when someone says somthing great, and you know theres somthing you can say back thats just as great. but it dosnt come to mind. all i could do was smile.

"The tick tock of the clock is painful
All sane and logical
I want to tear it off the wall
I hear words and clips and phrases
I think sick like ginger ale
My stomach turns and I exhale"

yeah. i think too logically. overalalyse. screws me up ya know? but im getting better. i guess you could call that a new years resolution. if if your not, then im making it one so you have to! ha HA! lol. and another is to play giutar. everyone seems to have somthing they can do that everyone thinks is cool. i mean... i can swim, but everyone is SAS can kick my ass. so yeah. guitar. need to play again. need to practice. need to learn certian songs...

Taken from http://littlefairy.blogdrive.com/
also the little sign about boys is awesome.

i am in love
because i have not
been so happy
or content
in the company of
smiles and laughter

short and sweet. good stuff.

hmm. well its around 3 am. of course, ending up here. talking to my blog. and i wish i was on my good computer because it has my new mp3s. like fireworks by plain white T's. and ugh. lots of mountain dew + killing for 11 hours + staring at a screen for 11 hours + mexican food and krispy kreme doughnuts = a good lan but feeling messed up when its over. heh. yeah my head dosnt feel right. but its ok..i can sort of think strait. yesum. i cant believe school is going to start again. ahh crap. i have homework to do. and i need to get good grades for semester so i can get insurance discount and get my license so i can stock the truck full of cds and cereal and go on a nice road trip. but i dont want to think about difficult things right now. i want to think about happy things. like megs. missed you today and i still am missing you. even though its only been a short while. its feels like so much longer. of course the 3 doors down song comes to mind. Here Without You. i love that CD. i think ill listen to it. yes. good song. and a lot of the songs on this CD are sad. but i still love it. *sigh*. so yeah. i thought last night would be easy to fall asleep in. man. for some reason it wasnt. and i ended up having a wierd dream after finally falling asleep. but i think ill save that one for another entry. because being a wierd dream. its completely off topic from what im thinking about. well...more like who im thinking about. *another sigh* so im having this really bad want to just hold you and close my eyes and not have to think about anything else....so....a big long hug next time i see you k? well im gonna try and sleep. my body is just going to give in if i dont. goodnight.


3 Doors Down - Here Without You

A hundred days have made me older
since the last time that I saw your pretty face.
A thousand lies have made me colder
and I don't think I can look at this the same.
And all these miles that seperate
disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face.

I'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams.
And tonight, it's only you and me.

These miles just keep rollin'
as the people leave their way to say hello.
I've heard this life is overrated
but I hope that it gets better as we go.

I'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby
and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams.
And tonight girl, it's only you and me.

And everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.
And when the last one falls, and when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.

I'm here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
and i dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
but you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, it's only you and me